


Remorseful Moments

by Smutslug



Series: Remorse [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:46:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smutslug/pseuds/Smutslug
Summary: I decided to make this series of small moments I wanted to fit into the main fic but by some reason did not make it in. They are all canon, just from different time periods.They might be anything from small drabbles to longer texts.





	1. Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haxus has a really shitty day.

Haxus was devastated.

 

His pad was laying on the table with a large crack along the screen. He had dropped it when he had read the message.

It didn't really matter now, he could get a new one easily, and he really didn't care.

He buried his face in his hands, trying so hard not to let tears fall. It was not becoming of a warrior, even if mourning a fellow soldier was not frowned upon.

He heard shuffling cloth and glanced to his side, seeing the girl slowly sitting down in the couch, luckily far from him.

“What do you want!” Haxus snapped at her. She looked frightened at him. He rarely raised his voice at her, especially not like this. He probably looked like a wreck too.  


“Nothing. I just… Nothing.” It was like she wanted to tell him something, but she was wise enough to shut up. He didn't want to listen to her right now. Too much going on in his head.

 

_ Oh Naxa. Why you. _

 

Haxus picked up the pad again and tried to flick away the message that told him the terrible news without looking at it, and instead brought up a gallery of pictures.  


They were old, really old. From a time before ensigning in the military, before he as his family's oldest was sent to make the Empire proud.

He stared down at the picture of him flanked by his sisters, grinning like the dorks they were, so proud their big brother had been chosen. They would later join the military themselves, bringing honor to their clan just as well as Haxus had.

He brushed his thumb gently over Naxa's smiling face. She was always so happy. Swift on her feet and with a mean fighting spirit, she was not to be underestimated in battle. But having her ship being blown to pieces without any warning rendered any combat skills null and void.

Haxus let a sob leave his throat and he let the pad clatter back down on the table in favor of covering his face with a hand.

A part of him wanted to use whatever power he had as commander to order an obliterating strike at the location to wipe the cursed rebels out, turning their bones to dust, but it would not bring back Naxa. And it had already been done. The Empire had retaliated and completely eradicated all the inhabitants of the moon. There was nothing left to turn his anger against.

A small clatter made him open his eyes and move his hand away enough to see Katie placing a steaming cup at the table in front of him. She then moved to sit by the kitchen table, back towards him.

A small sniff confirmed it was tea.

She had made him tea.

...why?

He did not understand her.

But he took it.

It could not fill the hole after Naxa, but it helped him keep his composure for the rest of the night. Even as he spent it flicking through countless pictures of him and his sisters all the way into the early hours.

The girl sitting by the table keeping him company silently.


	2. Escape Attempt Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Pidge's many escape attempts.
> 
> This one is rather brutal so be warned.

The girl had almost succeeded in escaping.

Katie had managed to fool her collar and somehow gotten as far as one of the main hangars before being subdued.

The glitch would be weeded out and fixed. If anything her escape attempt did nothing more than aid in the foolproofing of the system.

He would have to ask the technicians how she managed to do it.

 

Instead of bringing her back to his quarters, the sentries had brought her to a small storage room near where she had been captured, and tied her to a chair.

She is sitting back towards him as he enters.

He can hear her voice hitch faintly at the sound of his boots on the metal floor. She probably recognises the sound. The thought it makes her scared gives him a small confidence boost and he can’t stop himself from making a small smirk. He wonders if he can torment her further?

He pulls out the shock rod from his thigh armor compartment, slowly extending it, making as much show out of it as possible, letting all the little clicks and sliding noises mingle as long as possible in the cold room.

Humming a simple happy tune he walks up to her and gently brushes the tip of his shock rod along her cheek, hearing her breathing hitch and the sound of her small heart speeding up.

It is a gentle touch, but the girl has to be terrified from how her heart hammers in her chest. He can hear it so well.

She knows very well what is to come.

It was actually quite some time since he had to use his rod to teach her a lesson.

It would make this more impactful for sure.

 

“...please.”

Her voice is barely a whisper, just a faint sound on the exhale of her breath.

 

He brings the rod down with all his might and he can easily see how her arm bends and snaps and the armrest of the chair becomes deformed by the force.

Her scream hurts his ears. It is filled with pain and tears. And she slumps down in the chair heaving for breath over the intense agony that courses through her arm.

She wails and she looks ugly while doing so, her face a grimace of pain soaked in tears and snot.

She begs for him to stop. For no more blows to come.

But he doesn't stop.

He brings the rod down again, breaking her arm in another spot.

She howls, her body shaking in the restraints, her legs trying to wrench themselves free from the bonds.

But it is all futile.

Her body is weak. Her bones are weak.

She can do nothing but take the pain Haxus gives her. And she can barely manage it.

He grabs her hair and pulls, her body lifting from the chair and he can feel the individual strands threatening to hair give in.

“Have you learned?” he asks calmly.

She sobs and nods repeatedly.

“Say it,” he growls shaking the hand holding her hair. She whimpers.

“Yes, commander Haxus!” she cries.

“What have you learned?” he asks calmly again.

“N-not to t-try to - _oh god it hurts!_ \- ...to escape!” she says through sobs and cries.

He nods and lets go of her unceremoniously.

Removing her restraints, he pulls her out of the chair and shoves her to her knees on the cold metal floor.

She almost catches herself with her broken arm, but realises her mistake fast enough and uses the other arm instead.

“Crawl,” he commands and it seems to take her a tick to register it.

She looks up at him as if he is joking, clutching her broken arm to her chest like one would a newborn child.

She knows she is in no condition to crawl.

 _He_ knows she is in no condition to crawl.

Doesn't stop him from ordering her again.

“Crawl. Else I break your legs and let you rot here.”

Slowly she places her healthy arm in front of her and with great difficulty she starts crawling after him out into the corridor.

 

It's a long way home.

 

She doesn't stop crying and a string of pained sounds leaves her constantly. He finds her sobs annoying, but he understands why she makes them. After all, he can make it stop if he wants to.

 

She faints in the first elevator they enter and he tosses her over his shoulder and carries her home.

 

Her arm has swelled and looks an angry red, large dark and yellow marks litter the areas that he hit with his rod. It always fascinates him how easy it is to see injury on humans. He wonders if he would look the same without the fur and dark skin, there are many similarities between their species.

 

In his bedroom he has a small case of syringes filled with quintessence.

They are standard issue for officers to keep themselves at peak health, prolonging their lifespan significantly.

Haxus has already taken enough this deca-phoeb and has syringes to spare. He can allow himself to waste one on the girl. He really don't want to take her to the medbay. It would be such a hassle.

 

He splashes water in the girls face to wake her up, and before she can gain full consciousness he drags her out into the living room again, towards the kitchen table.

Pushing her into a chair and placing her arm on the table, she is barely awake, but it doesn't stop her from crying out in pain when the needle sinks into the tender flesh of her injured arm. He injects half of the syringe at each fracture and let's go of her.

She crawls up in the chair clutching her arm and sobbing.

“I was very tempted to let you heal that injury on your own, but it was bound to heal crooked and that would render you even more useless than you already are,” he tells her as he drags her to her bedroom, tossing her inside.

 

"No dinner," he says cold and slams the door in her face.

 


	3. Escape Attempt Part 2

Vargas later Haxus has had enough of the noises coming from the girl's room.

She is not in pain but she is still crying.

“What are you crying for?” he asks annoyed after having barged into her room.

She sobs and looks up at him.

“Well?”

“I-I want to go h-home.”

“You are home,” he snaps back.

She shakes her head.

“This isn’t my home. I want to go home to Earth. I miss my mom, my dad and my brother. I j-just want to see them again.”

Haxus felt a pang of viciousness wash over him. He lowered himself down to her eye level.

“Guess what? You are never seeing them again, you are never going back to Earth.” The words made the girls eyes widen. “And even if the Empire did find your planet I would make you watch as we drain every little drop of quintessence from it leaving it nothing but a lifeless husk. Going “home” is never going to happen and the faster you realise it the faster you will accept the situation you are in.”

“You are my servant, my slave, now and forever,” he says with a grin.

“Get used to it.”

He leaves her on the floor and walks to the door, wanting to let his words sink in.

However, he does not foresee having a pen tossed at the back of his head.

It didn't hurt, he barely registered it, and it clattered to the floor.

“You are a monster!” she cries at him, standing there with balled fists at her sides, face distorted by rage.

Haxus take a deep breath through his nose.

“You just like me hurting you, don't you?” Haxus snarls and pulls out his shockrod again, walking back to her, but she doesn't waver. She stands her ground scowling at him.

He strikes out and to his great surprise she dodges. It throws him off balance and he leaves himself completely open.

Haxus realises his mistake too late as the quintessence addled body of the girl crashes into his own and she somehow manages to hook her foot around his leg and trip him. He goes down hard, chest down, with her on his back.

She snakes her limbs around him, one arm around his throat and the other yanking his ear hard enough to make his eyes water.

“I wish I killed you back then!” she snarls and lets go of his ear in favor of rummaging around on the floor.

She pulls one of her pens into his field of vision and only his quick thinking hinders her from stabbing it into his eye socket, as he grabs her wrist with his spare hand at an odd angle.

But the quintessence has given her surprising strength and he's struggling with keeping his grip and force her hand away.

“Why can't you just let me kill you!” she grumbles through gritted teeth and puts her whole weight into pushing the pen closer to his face, the pen tip dangerously close to his 

eyes still.

He’s had enough of her foolishness, he can end it here and now.

He reaches for his wrist panel with his other hand.

It's not difficult to activate, he just needs to stay clear of h…

_ Oh no. _

Haxus realises his second mistake of the quintant as the collar around the girl’s neck activates and a powerful shock surges through her and in succession,  _ him _ .

 

Stunned and unable to move a muscle they lay there. And he had used a pretty strong setting too.

 

It takes around half a varga before the girl regains control of her mouth and lips, she must have built up a certain resistance towards the shocks by now. And she uses that opportunity to yell profanities at him. He tries to tune it out, instead listening to the hum of the ship from the vibrations felt through the metal floor.

But no.

Her complaining gets through to him no matter what he does.

 

“You think I like being here?!”

“You think I like being your slave?!”

“I hate you so quiznacking much!”

“I hate you to the bottom of my heart!”

“I would kill you if I could!”

 

Another half varga and he can finally speak himself.

He orders her to shut her mouth, but she somehow manages to be louder than him.

  
  


“If you weren’t ready to face the consequences then you shouldn’t have entered a war you could not handle!” Haxus spits out at some point.

“All I did was to protect myself and my friends! You attacked us! It was self-defence! What were we supposed to do? Give up and surrender?” the girl counters.

“Yes! If you had given up Voltron immediately then Sendak would have spared you!”

“Are you stupid?! No one does that! You seriously want me to believe that?” she says fuming.

“All I wanted was to find my brother and father, that YOUR empire kidnapped! What would you have done if your sisters got captured?”

“Don't you dare bring my sisters into this!” he snarls back.

“Well guess what, I know for certain you would have gone after them, and you would have not given up before they were safe.”

“Shut up. You do not know me,” Haxus mutters.

“Yes, you would. Because they are your family. And we do everything for family...”

“I did everything for my brother and father…”

The girl took a deep breath.

“And all I want ...is to go home… to see them again.”

 

The girl descends back into quiet sobbing and Haxus frowns.

He is not letting the girls words get to him.

How dare she use his family as a method to get her point across?!

He doesn’t care about her.

He never will.

 

Another half varga passes in mutual silence before Haxus can feel the stiffness in his limbs dissipate. He stretches his legs and and untangles himself from the girl. She too slowly stretches and sits up, head hung low.

He is tempted to shock her, but something in him tells him no. Instead he heads for the door.

With a hand on the door he hesitates.

“Today never happened.” His words make her turn her head and look confused up at him. “Understood?”

She blinks and nods.

 

“Dinner in ten,” he says and closes the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to fit this into the main story, but I had problems with writing the dialogue. But the part with Earth's destruction would have had a greater impact if I had.


End file.
